Immobilized Hearts

Beginning in January, I'll be posting a series of four short stories and a novella entitled, "Skewed Portraits." Until then, I'll fill with a few boring prose poetry/essays. This one was written in response to an assignment in which the professor asked us to finish the statement, "To immobilize your heart on account of its longings running contrary to form . . . " So - here goes :)

Immobilized Hearts

To immobilize my heart on account of its longings running contrary to form is to obstruct my essence, to dance to a deaf man's music. And who is the deaf man to write the music for me? He cannot hear my longings, loosed in the rhythm of my soul, or even, with his hand against my heart, feel the cadence which drives my next step. He is oblivious, insensible to my inner world, as he is unaware of his own. Who is the man who cannot hear his own euphony to form the structure of mine?

Whose forum, then, forms the form that determines my longings? Certainly, it is not the deaf man’s forum. Perhaps it is the forum of those who comprehend the difference between longing and lust. Lust being an unbridled hunger. Longing, a persistent hope. Perhaps it is only those who know the difference who can loose the longing and lay waste the lust. But then, who would compose this forum? And is there a composer in all the world who could arrange an aria for me?

Every virtuoso breathes the vitality of his own melody cascading through the river of his being. I must create the score myself, searching out my own longings and discarding the lusts that would infect and immobilize my symphony. My heart cannot be immobilized, nor my essence obstructed! Silence my lusts, I will, but not my longings. I have to hear them pulse. I have to respond to their rhythm and twirl to their tempo and caress every cadence which comprises me. Or else I die, and my music with me. The deaf man has formed my fate.

Discerning a God from a Man

Gods are always inaccessible. This is the first concept one must understand when searching for a god. If the being you have approached has no desire for you, it is very likely you have made your first contact with "god." So try to talk to him. Then, with every sinew of mind in motion, attempt to perceive his response. No matter how brilliant you think yourself, your god's intellect must exceed your own, for what is god if not incomprehensible?

Physical beauty is optional.
Spiritual beauty is not.

Seek a spirit whose mask is peace. Press him. Push him. Interrogate him. If he explodes in emotion, toss him. He is not god.

Tell him he's wonderful, his presence fills you with awe and want, his wisdom stirs a hunger for a life higher than the one you've known. If, by now, he hasn't fled in a million mile sprint, it is possible he is a god deserving of your worship - or simply a man intrigued by your insanity. (Discernment is, of course, a gift one must develop and not a certain science. These are merely suggestions from a seeker, not the inerrant words of an unerring spirit.)

The frustration of confronting these unknowable, superior beings is that misunderstandings swirl in whirlpools of love and hate until, finally, you must devise an infallible scheme. It always rests in the realm of physical seduction.

Chain your newly found god to the material world of breasts and thighs, perfumes and lust. If he makes love with you, he is the man you will adore forever. If, however, he walks away, he is most likely the god you were seeking. You, in the throes of carnality, have offended him and will spend the rest of eternity (or at least the remainder of your earthly years), confronting the knowledge you are but dust, and he, the divinity who has little use for your longings.